Finally!

Ok, I've been abscent from the whole blogging thing for a while. (not the checking on everyone else, just mine!) First of all, after my dad died and I got home, I just couldn't find the right moment to sit and tell about his funeral and such. I guess that was due to being too painful. So, I thought maybe I would just go on, but then thought that was a little strange!
Thus, my lack of posting!
So, I don't know what to say...I truly love my dad and everything that he stood for. There is no question that he died, having lived a righteous life. What a wonderful gift he gave to all of us at his passing. Of course I have had hard times and miss him a lot. However, like I have said before, now he doesn't have to suffer anymore. There have been so many "moments" when I have wanted to share something with him--an email, joke, experience or whatever. And I can't. It has been hard not to be able to share those "moments".
Things were crazy when I finally got to Utah. There was so much to do! There isn't really much time to morn. We had a lot of fun talking and remembering the fun times and silly things about dad. It was so fun to find old pictures and remember the good 'ol times. One special thing is that my good friend Corissa made a video for us to show at the viewing. She spent HOURS on such short, short notice working on it. I wanted to help---but I was of no help! :) So, thanks again Corissa for helping us to document some of our dad's life. We had so many comments from people about the video. It was really neat! It was so amazing to me to see the love that people had for my dad. Of course, in my mind, he was an awesome man--but to see what he meant to others was really special. He really helped a lot of people. He loved people and his associations with them. Many people traveling long distances to be at the funeral.
The whole viewing and funeral thing is very bitter-sweet. It was so fun to see so many family and friends that I don't normally get to see. However, you never want to say goodbye to your dad! He was our friend, and father, the one we all went to with questions, needing advice, etc. There were so many people from our years living in CA. It felt like a Sunnyvale reunion at times. It was also like a huge family reunion too. We have a large extended family and so that was fun to see everyone. We also managed to get a family photo taken, and will doctor up the photo to put the three missing family members, dad-Ben on a mission-Rich in medical school. Pretty crazy trying to get all of our family to be at one place and be still! :) I think there are 32 grandchildren (including the marrieds), one great grandchild, 6 siblings --6 in-laws, and mom. (and there are 2 babies to be born this year) So fun to have such a large family. Something is always going on.
I can't believe what effort people took to be to the viewing and funeral. It meant so much to us as a family. Wow! And, so many hugs, nice cards, meals, and gifts I was given. They were all so thoughtful. I don't think I better start mentioning them because I might forget one! :)
Thanks to all of you who helped me throught this tough time with your kind words and gestures! It is so nice to have those little "comforts"! :)
Well, I think I have rambled on enough! (Maybe now I can get caught up on all the postings I've wanted to share.)

Happy Mother's Day!

I received this in an email today. I just loved it and the end reminded me of my mom. She is the most amazing Mother! She has spent countless hours doing things for not only her own children, but a million other kids that weren't hers. She is a mother who wants to help us and always wants us to be happy. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father made it so I could have her as my mother. She is the best! It saddens me today knowing that she has to wake up every morning, and go to bed every night in the absence of my dad, her best friend. She is doing amazing well, but it isn't easy for her. Nor is is easy for any of us. She just understands the gospel so well and feels lucky to have had my dad as long as she did. She is a rock! She is such an amazing example to me and always has been! I could go on forever, but this post is already too long!
Invisible Mother. . .
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England.Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are build ing a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself.
I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!

Blessing---no more suffering

Well, yesterday morning I got home from the YMCA and was met by Tom in our entry way. He was emotional and told me that my three sisters had called and that my dad was at the hospital and not going to make it. I was in shock! I know we have all been trying to prepare ourselves for this because he has been so sick and has almost died a couple of times. But, I guess you can't be completely prepared for the moment it actually happens.
So, I called my sister and she said that she had just arrived at the hospital and would call me back. She called about 20 minutes later and my dad had passed away. (Thursday, April 17, 9:12 am) All of my siblings were able to get to the hospital before he actually passed away.
I guess my mom had taken my dad to the hospital the night before because the pain he had been having for the last week had gotten so extreme. Last night he was in pain all over his body. When he got to the hospital his heart rate was high and his white blood count was high and rose the whole night. They gave him an oxygen mask to help with his breathing and morphine for his pain. However, he was very uncomfortable all night. About 7 am his breathing was labored and his heart rate elevated higher and his blood pressure dropped. He took his last breath at 9:12 am. We are not sure exactly what it was that was causing his pain, but think it might have been another bowel breakage. We are very sad, and at times get very broken up----but we are also feeling that this is a blessing that our dad could pass on. He has had to go through so much in the past year, and especially in the last 3 1/2 months. Now he won't have to suffer any more.
Within a couple hours I was able to be on a plane to Utah to be with my family. Tom helped me get a flight and pack and has been holding down the fort. He is so amazing!!! He has been such a great help and comfort to me. I am sure this is because he knows how it feels! He lost his dad about 7 years ago. Tom has had to purchase a girl birthday present, take Matt the doctor because he is sick, contact the school to get work for the kids next week and to let them know they will not be in school, do laundry, pack the kids, and fly here tomorrow with all three kids, etc.,etc.---all while trying to work!! :) Pretty awesome that he is capable and willing to do all of this -- and I am comfortable and know that he is compitent! I bet all you women are jealous that I have such an awesome, amazing husband!! :) lol. I truly love you Tom!!! You are the best husband ever!!
Well, things are a little crazy trying to get everything arranged and such, but we are all having a fun time visiting and reminising. We are so grateful for the testimonies we have and know that we will see him again. We know he is so happy and in such a better place than suffering here on earth. We have all thought how much fun he is having with his family and friends that have passed on before him. And, how amazing it has been for him to finally meet all the many ancestors that he has searched out and done the work for. Geneology was his thing!
My dad's viewing will be Sunday, 6-8, Larkin Mortuary in Sandy. His funeral will be Monday at 12:30, at the Sandy Utah East Stake Center, 9636 So. 1700 East, Sandy.
What a great and amazing Dad I was so fortunate to be blessed with!

SMILING!

Here are a couple of things that have made me smile lately...

1. Dad home from hospital,(though still not well), and hearing that he is sitting at his computer--which is one of his favorite things to do!

2. Seeing my kids happy and excited to tell me something.

3. Date night with Tom!

4. Answers to prayers--feeling and seeing the Lord's hand in my life.

5. Seeing a miracle through watching little Gracie Gledhill improve daily.

6. Shelby so happy about her new haircut---which she has been begging for for weeks!

7. Sam so hyped up about KU!

8. Matt's grass seed guy and when he gets a "gotcha" from school.

(still trying to figure out this whole layout thing!) :)

Always a reason to smile!

Life has been a little rough, and out of the ordinary for me the past little while and this weekend I was reminded that there is ALWAYS a reason to smile! I love that saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade". I'm not always good at this, but I have a wonderful husband--best friend who always helps me with this. I am so grateful for him and so thankful that I have been able to be married to him for the last 12 years! He works hard at work and home and is a great husband and father! Happy Anniversary Tom! "I love you the mostest and the bestest!"

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK! GO KU!!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT KU WON!!! IT IS AWESOME!! I THOUGHT THEY WOULD LOSE. AFTER THE GAME WE WENT OUTSIDE AND CHEERED WITH ALL THE OTHER KANSAS FANS. THANKS MOM AND DAD FOR LETTING ME STAY UP WITH YOU TO WATCH THE GAME!!!!! (posted by Sam) :)

Sam just couldn't sleep with the excitement that he might miss. It was sure fun for Tom and I to listen to him while watching the game. Pretty exciting game--what a shot to send it to overtime! Love to see the overtime!!! WOW!!! Way to go KU!

Roller Coaster day indeed!

Ok, so my day yesterday wasn't too fun! Besides cleaning the house, all day I could only think of my poor dad and my good friend, Michelle and her family dealing with baby Gracie. My dad has had multiple things wrong, making it so that he has been in the hospital since some time in January. Last Sunday we thought he was going to be able to go home finally. However, again, he had a bad day with high white blood count. They did a scan, and found that he needed his gall bladder out. That was done yesterday. He isn't a good candidate for surgery---so I was really worried. But, he made it! The surgeon said that he could understand why my dad couldn't eat too much. When he went in, he found that it was very infected and had gone gain-green some, and had attached itself to his small intestines. So, hopefully with it out, he can again gain enough strength to get home. He has been very, very sick! He has a pacemaker, artificial heart valve, Parkinson's, gout, ulcers in his bowel and stomach, prostate problem, ruptured bowel, and I'm sure I'm missing something. It seems that his system has just been zapped! It has been hard to see him loose so much weight, (he only weighs about 125 now!), and to be just laying in his bed. He has always been super active and athletic. Through the last couple of months, it seems that he may not make it--then all of a sudden there is hope--then he comes up sick with something else, over and over. My mom has been so good to be by his side the whole time---not getting sleep herself. She gets there early in the morning so that she can feed him-or make sure he eats something; and then waits until he falls asleep at night (which is late most nights because his Parkinson's acts up with his cramping legs). It is really wearing her out. The family has been able to spare some time away, but she has a hard time letting go. But, we have hope now that he can eat better now and gain some more strength. I luckily was able to go see him in January and March. But, it is terribly hard to live so far away, and not be able to help--and when I don't know if I will see him again.





Now, on to baby Gracie. I just seem to sit at the computer and tears roll down my face. To read Michele's blog, (the Gledhill Family) I just can't imagine having to go through what they are going through. I have been very touched and can feel the strong faith and spirit through reading about their journey. It seems that their last two weeks have been a roller coaster also. However, baby Gracie has touched so many lives already. It has been amazing to read and hear bits and pieces of all those who have helped this family. There have been so many acts of service rendered to them--whether notes, food, gifts, encouragement, etc. So many people have reached out to help it is amazing. Also, it has made me think of a lot of things I take for granted and that I need to work harder to change. One of the things is to be grateful for our bodies and to take care of them so that we can take care of our families and others. So, I have been trying this week to be better about what we are eating as a family and work on getting more exercise! Also, how important it is to enjoy the time we have together as a family! Another thing I have thought about is that we need to really be able to look past ourselves and see how we can help lighten the load of others. My mom and dad have been great examples to me of this. I am so glad that they have instilled in our family the love of service!!! I will be forever grateful to them for this gift they have given me. It makes me feel good and makes me happy!

So, my hope today is that these two wonderful people can feel my love for them. And, whatever the Lord's will is---I can accept, (though it may be hard), because I know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. He knows us and knows what is best for us. And, we can have that if we try to do what is right and seek our Heavenly Father's help. Our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. That is why he gave us his son, Jesus Christ. How blessed we are!